locomotive

I have to type something, but I don't really have to.
I wish that I could live my life through a screen, the backlight would give my existence a well needed lift. Not to be so dreary and down trodden as all that, my life is wonderful, and would be moreso if I would allow myself to really experience it all, but social situations scare the shit out of me unless I have something to be proud of. I am horrified of the questions,
"Where do you work?"
"What are you doing?"
"You going to school?" 
Why in the world does it all matter so very much? I really don't care, and if I were honest with people the answer to the first question would be, I'm trying, but not very hard to find work, it's hard to put all of your effort into pursuing something that you know you'll soon enough wish that you had never found.
The answers to the second question are so terrible and vague, but at the risk of seeming like a pseudo-intellectual bum; what am I doing? I'm talking to you, I'm getting older and if you don't provide me with more stimulus I am sitting here bored. I honestly have no clue as to what I am doing with my life. I hate that question and I hate when people ask me to tell them about myself, I am so much more than my arbitrary goals in life.
No school yet, and I don't like wasting my breath on explanations as to why not or when I will start.
Anyway, instead of answering those questions with real answers, I sugar-coat everything and say what people want to hear and I hate that I do, but I don't like talking about myself very much. That's a lie, I talk way too much about myself to some people, but I guess I don't like talking about myself in so bare-bones and surface scratching a way as all that, and not to people that I just met.
I'm  in a crummy mood tonight and I already scribbled enough in my journal, this is just a practice of self-motivation.